this is the beginning of only my third season as a serious multisport athlete. with such little experience comes rookie mistakes and firsts for the ups and downs of racing. today was one of those firsts. today was my first bad race.
it's no secret that i suffer from anxiety which causes problems with my sleeping. it comes and goes, some weeks better than others. recently i've been doing well, but last week i hit a rough patch and am currently working through several nights of poor sleep. last weekend i had a race simulation workout that i couldn't make it through. that workout came at the end of a tough build week of training and leading up to it i was feeling great, but i've been feeling off ever since. this past week was a taper week so training wasn't too heavy and i'd thought that i had come around. i had great workouts on wednesday and friday and was feeling strong. i pushed myself a bit too hard on my last workout the day before the race, but my times were solid and it was just the confidence booster i needed.
however, too many sleepless nights caught up with me. in typical self destructive behavior, i was lying wide awake in bed at 3.30 this morning - my third consecutive night of restless sleep - thinking to myself that if i'm not able to get at least a couple hours of decent sleep, i was going to hit the wall. and that's exactly what happened today.
my legs felt like cement during my warm up and my PRE was high, my output low. never a good sign before you've even started your race.
for the first run i stayed at the front of the chase pack, a few seconds behind the lead pack. but even with a pace of 3.35/km i was still 16th overall, a sign of just how strong today's competition was. towards the end of the run my fatigue was catching up and i was beginning to fade, even though i'd been careful to take it easy off the starting line. first transition was fast and smooth, but after i'd exited and was ready to hop on my bike, that's when my race really began to fall apart. my cycling shoes, already attached to my pedals, got caught underneath my bike and i had to stop twice to fix them. two athletes zipped by me before i'd even got in the saddle.
once i got going, the athletes that had just passed me coming out of t1 slowly started to get away. at first i was thinking it's fine, i'm stronger than both of them, and i'll get by them shortly. but they kept getting further and further away and my legs started to incinerate. i had nothing in me. every climb was agony, each pedal stroke burned. during the first run i figured i'd be able to catch several of the runners ahead of my on the ride, but today was not the day for that. i finally caught up to and passed a couple of athletes at about the 12k mark and had a brief boost of confidence, my only one of the day.
after a long, agonizing ride i had a great t2 and headed out for the second run. i thought it was tough getting through that ride, but this last run was going to be complete torture. my legs were dead, my heart rate was low and i tried to settle into a pace that i could hold for the last 4k. my second runs are always slower than my first runs, but never as dramatically different than today. i somehow managed to hold my position in the field and finished the race 17th overall.
i've never felt so completely defeated as i did today. i was ready to give up numerous times and had to push myself to keep pushing, even though it was getting me nowhere. my goal for this race was to finish in a time of about 1.15.00, top 10 overall. i wanted to have two sub-15 minute 4ks and a solid performance on the bike and quick transitions. i'm a strong athlete and know that i'm capable of so much better than today's results and know that i could have come close to that 1.15.00. but in order for me to have a solid performance on race day i have to be ready for it, physically and mentally. in today's case, mentally more than physically. training is nothing without proper rest and recovery. right now i need rest, and beyond that i need to learn how to ensure that i can get proper rest when my body is desperate for it.
